starksexual:

i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it

leonmcgann:

its weird how google became a synonym for search

cybercitrus:

People that think they are going to be magically independent when they become 18.

arkhams:

hey … so,.. uhh… (looks at notecards) did you uh did …you fall out of heaven because um (drops cards) shit fuck oh god fuck im so sorry  youre-youre just s o.pretty i m soryr

captainlucifer:

i hate maroon 5 because the bible says adam and eve not adam levine

mullingayr:

I don’t understand why some people aren’t okay with sitting at home doing nothing like why do you need to be with your friends constantly don’t you ever want time to yourself jesus christ

necromorph-slayinglovemachine:

I’m not sure but I think I just accidentally created a legendary Pokemon